Can We Change Our Order, Please?

After literally years of not knowing what was wrong with Terry, we may finally be on to something.  The scary part is now that we are learning, the inclination is to want to go back to the days of ignorance and frustration when we were clueless.  


Now, after three weeks of knowing there was a mass in his adrenal gland, we are finally confronted with the "C" word that each family dreads.  Today the use of words like "inconsistencies" and "mass" and "abnormality" were replaced with the word "cancer."  And even though he had willingly and openly been talking with me about the possibilities of what he was facing, when he met the reality of that possibility, it was obvious he had hoped the news would be different.  He became very quiet once we left, and trying to force meaningless chit chat just for the sake of doing it seemed wrong.  I know how far away in thought I'd have been, and knew it was a lot for him to process.  


We still don't know a lot, but this is what we know.  It is pretty certain there is prostate cancer due to enlargement, increased PSA reading, PET scan result, and physical examination.  There is also a nodule on the right lobe of the thyroid that showed metabolic activity during the PET scan.  He needs to have biopsies of both locations.  The mass in the adrenal gland that started all of this did not show activity during the PET scan, and even if it had, it is still too small for them to deal with at this stage.  It is less than 2cm, and may have to get closer to 4 for action.  


Today was the beginning of figuring out what is going on and what he needs.  But unless things change, he won't see the urologist who will do the biopsy, until May 10.   Not that he will have the biopsy on May 10.  That's when he sees the doctor who will DO the biopsy.  Even though the oncologist explained the procedure today, and why he needs to have the biopsy and not just rely on the other markers was covered as well, he still has to have a conversation with the other doctor.  It's hard not to see this as more delay, when there has been so much delay already in his diagnosis.


The purpose of the biopsies are to show the stage and aggressiveness of the disease.  We were told prostate cancer metastasizes FROM not TO the prostate, so they need to make sure this is the primary location.  He is still on track to have a colonoscopy, so hopefully they aren't going to find that it's gone anywhere else.


While I've always believed information is power, I may have to stop doing research and looking into what this all means until we have more complete information.  I still maintain I'd rather be prepared for the worst, and hear the better news, than the other way around, but I'm reading too much and learning too much and it's a bit overwhelming.  And scary....I need to walk the tightrope of trying to understand what we're in for without falling the long fall of "what if?"...that fall is too, too far down....and we're just starting to inch ourselves out onto that rope.  We have to be steady for now.  It's hard to believe we wanted to know all of this not so long ago....