And I realize I use the word "we" a little lightly. I'm not the one going through the tests and dealing with a potentially alarming diagnosis. But I am with him as he goes through all of this, and know that it will impact me as well. I do think I'm mentally prepared for whatever comes our way. Since his heart attack 10 years ago, I've lived with the reality that he may not be here to grow old with me. This is not a new thought process. But everyone keeps telling me to think positively....and while I try not to worry unnecessarily about things, I do try to think in realistic terms of what is happening. I'm not sure I know or appreciate the value of telling myself nothing's wrong and he'll be fine only to find out otherwise. My own personal philosophy is prepare for the worst and hope for the best. I'd much rather prepare to be told what we don't want to hear and then not hear it, than bury my head in the sand and learn things were much worse than expected. But that's just me.....
So, for now, we'll spend the next week trying to act as though nothing is happening, until we're told otherwise. That week will give me the time to figure out in my own head how I'm feeling about what's going on. I know I need to be ready to deal, whatever we're told....part of that will be figuring out what I'll need to do to make things as easy and positive for Terry as I can. Even if the news we get is better than expected, there's STILL something going on with him that needs to be diagnosed and fixed. The challenge will be keeping him from getting too down from continuing to deal with this. When you've felt crummy as long as Terry has, the last thing you want to hear is that yet one more time, they don't know what's happening to him. Even bad news at this point would be an answer. This not knowing is not working.....
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