Togetherness is togetherness

At one point, not long ago, Terry thought we should spend more time together....before I took a break from work, we spent time in the morning watching news and chatting before I went to work...if I'm in my office for the day and in town, I come home for lunch with him...if I don't have a community commitment or something else family related, I'm at home....with him....I thought we spent pa-lenty of time together...

I took off time starting at Christmas, so I've been home for three weeks now...and of that time, we've had snow...lots...and lots....and lots of snow....and some bitter cold temperatures that are not conducive to anything other than staying in the house....together.....

I'm on this two month leave of absence from work, and I think Terry believes it's a two month vacation....but it's not....it's a chance to get focused on his health and related problems, and catch my breath so I can get focused on everything else....when my dads both got so sick in 2008, it was the beginning of the end of my ability to keep maintaining the pace....

Terry's diagnosis of a disabling medical condition after his heart attack in 2000 started the continual attack of stress.... while I've always believed that which does not kill us makes us stronger, I'm beginning to think it's time to end the opportunities for strength enhancement...some of it was transitory, like worrying about whether I could as the sole worker in the family support us so we could keep our home and not have our lives disrupted in that way....some of it has been ongoing, like his additional health problems necessitating this respite from work, and some of it has been brutal and unrelenting....losing both of my dads within four months of each other was brutal, and the pain has been unrelenting....I've hit the one year anniversary of losing my stepdad, and the one year anniversary of my dad is the 23rd of this month....it's been a draining year, aside from those losses, and I'm worn out...because I'm worn out I've not had the fire and the focus I need for work...I feel as though I've been misfiring on all fronts...it's time for a break to breathe...

But I have plans for things to be done to bring organization back to our lives and thereby reduce some of the stress I have....I have plans to get focus on Terry's condition and get it figured out....I have plans to get Molly prepared to graduate and head off to college...I have a lot...Terry may think it's vacation time....but that's only because boot camp hasn't yet started!!